Orange County Register

Got my Caribbean World Series fix, got my World Baseball Classic boost, and now there are exhibition games on TV that just aren’t the same thing.

So, to avoid going crazy counting down the minutes to Opening Day in baseball, this reporter decided to cast a movie.

Not just any movie, mind you, but a drama that has unfolded on a daily basis here on From The Dugout, ocregister.com’s Angels blog.

Planet VORP  and the Keeper of Truth: The Movie.

It’s the ongoing battle pitting new-wave statistics against the subtle realities of baseball, and those who treasure them, believing there can be only one.

The leads were relatively easy. Jim Sturgess, top, is a slam dunk to portray our stat geek, Sam Miller.

For Miller’s counterpoint, Mark Whicker, I finally decided on Seth Rogen, right — with some makeup to make him a bit more mature — over my original choice, “Dallas” star Ken Kercheval.

The reason for this decision was simple.

The Ken Kercheval I was thinking of as Whicker was more the ’80s version, left, not the current silver-haired gentleman.

And Whicker (and myself) aren’t nearly the ancient dinosaur-riders the stat freaks think we are.

As for the rest of the ocregister.com Angels blogging cast, I am thinking maybe W. Earl Brown (Dan Dority in “Deadwood”), below left, as Bill Plunkett; the fabulous Ellen Barkin, below right, as Afternoon Angel Ellen Bell; and the multi-talented John Leguizamo, lower left, as our Retro Angel, Noah Lemas.

I am not sure what part they will play, but Ian McShane and Debra Messing will be in this epic, too — because I want them to! Maybe Ms. Messing can play Ashley Thompson, but my first thought is to let her play herself. Hey, Audie Murphy did it (bonus prize if you know who this is without Googling!).

The movie will take you behind the scenes (where we don’t work in cubicles), so I have to cast the bosses.

I am pretty sure Todd Harmonson will be happy that I cast Kevin Smith to play him; not so sure about Keith Sharon, where after much deliberation over Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, I chose “Scrubs” star John C. McGinley, below left.

I don’t believe David Bean will mind being portrayed by Kevin Smith sidekick Jason Mewes, if only because I have a picure of the two of them, right.

I refuse to cast myself, because I am prejudiced and would want at least Johnny Depp or Val Kilmer, my two favorite actors.

I am afraid they might steal the show, however, so I should stick with Craig Stadler, below right, who is a somewhat better likeness. I will let the director make that choice, whoever HE or SHE is.

As for the plot itself, it goes something like this:

Angels second  baseman Howie Kendrick, below, is having a George Brett-like year, flirting with becoming the first major leaguer since Ted Williams to hit .400 or better. The interest in his feat is not what one would expect, because the stat crowd is busy criticizing Kendrick’s OPS, and also maintaining he should draw more walks than get “luck” singles.

Batting average is so 20th century, they say.

And, since getting that many balls in play to fall in as hits so lucky, Kendrick’s Value Over Replacement Player really isn’t as much as people who have covered baseball for decades think (or the people that pay the Angels, for that matter).

Veteran columnist Whicker, with typical indignation, tries to show the stat geeks the error of their ways, so Miller dons his Keeper of Truth togs, mask, cape and all, and fights back with his version of “A Beautiful Mind” logic.

There’s no clear-cut conclusion, so a sequel would seem to be in the offing — or it might just end like “Deadwood,” sans the colorful language.

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